When I ask new clients to share their trauma history with me I generally experience one of two responses. One group launches into a detached well-rehearsed monologue detailing every unpleasant event that has occurred from birth to present, while the other looks at me perplexed and reports that they have not experienced any trauma in their lives. The disparity between these two responses made me realize how differently people define trauma. Understanding this I realized that if I am going to have a positive affect as a trauma therapist it is essential we must start redefining and broadening the definition of trauma in our communities, schools, and healing professions. Dr. Dan Siegel stated, “The simplest way of defining trauma is that it’s an experience we have that overwhelms our capacity to cope.” Notice he did not refer to specific events such as war, fatal car accidents, natural disasters or sexual assault. Traumatic experiences that ultimately prevent clients from living joy filled productive lives fall within an extremely wide spectrum including those previously mentioned and well known big “T” traumas and what some call little “t” traumas such as unhealthy attachment, bullying, divorce, moving, loss of a job, illness, poverty and more.
Identifying significant life events is an important step but it is only the first step, too often clients and therapists find themselves in session week after week looping in the content of their client’s trauma story without ever effectively dropping into the emotional, spiritual and physical experiences that are connected to these events.
When working with my clients I find it valuable to help clients identify those life experiences that elicit a negative emotional and/or somatic (body) response as they think or talk about it present day. This deeper level of awareness helps clients who don’t recognize previous events as “trauma” move forward in their healing work regardless of how they define it; and it assists those who have a long list of traumatic events narrow down active triggers to work on versus spending time tangled up in an old narrative.
Real healing begins when the therapist slows down, lets go of his or her agenda, authentically attaches and attunes to their client and holds space for them to safely sit in and process the feelings they have so often disconnected from in order to survive.
Healing begins where the ego ends!